its a pretty cliche and ancient spiritual thought that the universe operations on a cycle of creation & destruction. ive seen this with my own life and how i live it - getting a corporate job, getting my own apartment, my own friends, city life, only to get rid of all of it to travel europe for a few months, only to move to new zealand, get a job, share a house, make close friend, only to leave that to come home and am now having to find that new job and those new friends etc. u get it.
and i have a lot of beef w spiritual cliches and emotional bypassing. idk but i am someone who feels everything and is an emotional active participant in their own life. i dont like lying to myself and i dont like patronizing or just living on the surface, i go deep with myself & other people. i dont like the pop-culture woo woo stuff that is really just repackaged toxic positivity & emotional emptiness. i hate the denial of it. it feels like it forces compliance that goes against nature. its stagnant and misses the whole point. we have to have negative, we have to have destruction bc it is the necessary force to prevent stagnation.
because here is how i think this shit works. for now. i dont like being dogmatic so idk but i just have a hunch this is kinda how the universe and life functions.
so this is science. most of the universe is dark energy and dark matter. like 95%!! dark matter holds the universe together - it has gravitational influence and it is basically holding this shit together.
dark energy is the influence that is making the universe expand. its spacing things out further and further - its repulsive, stretching the universe out, and this is the energy that makes up 70% of the universe.
even tho these are kinda opposite and there is a duality between them, we have to have both. we exist because of the tension of these two things that make up most of the universe. they are nondual. dark matter holds things together because dark energy is pulling things apart, we cant exist without both of those.
i see that reflected in us on this planet. we exist in the tension between our happiness and our sadness. i think the emotional world is about integration - youre not getting there by pretending the pain isnt happening. and i really do not even know how to have a shallow relationship with myself or anyone else in the world, i really dont. this is how i experience things and i wish i could just skate on the surface, but im too aware of the deeper layers and i always find myself diggin in the dirt. so i just kinda find myself in loops of building and then pushing the tower over and deciding i want a new tower in a different place until i knock that one over too.
and its like im not even totally sure what the value is because our results are all the same! but i seem to operate at a certain level of depth with people and myself, and it seems i have a lot of deep compassion for myself that can read as confidence but is really dignity, which doesnt take confidence. doesnt even take self love lol. spirituality isnt being positive until you elevate out of the human experience, its life crushing you deeper and deeper into it. its not that pain is something that is noble or a virtue, it is a part of existing. its one of the forces that makes life possible.
